Now that the holidays are upon us, and we are a few decades deep into the Age of Irony, why not spend this Christmas season with some silhouettes in the front row, riffing on absurd and/or awful cinema misadventures of the past? To celebrate the release of Shout! Factory’s new Mystery Science Theater 3000 Volume XXII (which features Time of the Apes, Mighty Jack, The Violent Years, and The Brute Man), let’s review those episodes of Best Brains’ ten-season series which program best when the snow is falling, Christmas lights are illuminating the block, and crass holiday specials starring the likes of Lady Gaga and Shrek are glutting the television.
Santa and kids confront some wacky invaders in "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians."
By season three, Joel Hodgson, Crow T. Robot (Trace Beaulieu), and Tom Servo (Kevin Murphy) were enjoying full-season orders from Comedy Central, and their riffing on the Mads’ “experiments” had become comfortable, rapid-fire, and consistently hilarious. In a season dominated by the Gamera films and other poorly-dubbed Sandy Frank productions, by the end of the year the Satellite of Love tried something different, and riffed their first holiday film, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (321, aired on 12/21/91). The 1964 matinee movie is best known for featuring a young Pia Zadora – that, and for having a plot in which Santa Claus is abducted by Martians and, at one point, almost executed Alien style by being blasted out of an airlock. Two young stowaways on the Martian spaceship attempt to rescue him – and also to teach the grumpy aliens the meaning of Christmas (which involves a chaotic, toy-oriented climax). The Martians are represented by actors in spandex with painted-green faces. To alleviate the oppressively terrible film, Joel and the Bots perform holiday-themed sketches, including singing the Road House-themed ditty “A Patrick Swayze Christmas.” The episode was released on DVD by Rhino as part of Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Essentials (also featuring Manos: The Hands of Fate), but, like many of Rhino’s releases of the show, it’s gone out of print. I would expect Shout! will remedy that soon.
Santa Claus ponders the Devil in "Santa Claus."
It would be two seasons later before MST3K attempted another Christmas episode. Joel Hodgson had left, unhappily, in the middle of season five, to be replaced by head writer Mike Nelson. The transition wasn’t quite as awkward as it might have been, since Nelson was already a key part of the show’s comic voice; very quickly some more classic episodes arrived, including Santa Claus (521, aired 12/24/93), a contender for my favorite MST3K of all time. This Mexican production (Mexican version directed by René Cardona, American dub by K. Gordon Murray) is one of the most jaw-droppingly surreal films ever made, to compete strongly against anything Lynch or Buñuel might throw at you. The confused theology of the film depicts Santa in his eternal battle against Satan, here represented in the form of a devil called Pitch, who prances about in a leotard and goatee in an attempt to corrupt the soul of a girl named Lupita. Highlights include a politically incorrect ceremony in Santa’s domain, parading out costumed children representing the different nations of the world that celebrate Christmas; Santa’s bizarre gadgets and creepy robotic reindeer; and a glimpse of Hell that threatens to turn into Swan Lake. Pitch, as played by MST3K writer Paul Chaplin, became a recurring character on the show with the same prominence as Mike Nelson’s Torgo. Mike and the Bots sing the delicate “Merry Christmas, If That’s Okay.” The episode is available as part of Shout! Factory’s MST3K: Volume XVI, and also on Netflix streaming.
A winter sleighride with "Jack Frost."
After an abrupt cancellation from Comedy Central, MST3K was miraculously revived on the Sci-Fi Channel, with writer/performer Bill Corbett replacing Trace Beaulieu in the role of Crow. Their first season on Sci-Fi was their longest on that network, with its first half given over largely to black-and-white monster movies from the Universal vault, and the second half to more outré offerings. To the latter category belongs Jack Frost (813, aired 7/12/97), aka Morozko, a Russian film from 1967. Like the Aleksandr Ptushko films which MST3K had previously riffed, it’s a visually-spectacular fairy tale that just so happens to be borderline insane. A young boy and girl fall in love in the snowy Russian woods, but face obstacles in the form of the girl’s ugly stepsister, and the witch Baba Yaga, who resides, as folklore dictates, in a hut with chicken-legs. Jack Frost, god of winter, intervenes to save the day. Though this isn’t technically a Christmas movie, Jack Frost is outfitted in resplendent Father Christmas fashion, and the snowy landscape and nonstop “magical” happenings have the film resembling a live action version of those Rankin-Bass specials which air this time of year. The episode was released by Shout! as part of MST3K: Vol. XVIII.
Mike Nelson, Bill Corbett, and Kevin Murphy riff "A Visit to Santa" in the "2009 Rifftrax Live: Christmas Shorts-stravaganza!"
Some years after MST3K was cancelled for the second time, the cast and writers reformed into two separate camps. Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy, and Bill Corbett formed Rifftrax, creating downloadable movie commentary and specializing in more contemporary films. Joel Hodgson, Trace Beaulieu, Frank Conniff, Mary Jo Pehl, and J. Elvis Weinstein formed Cinematic Titanic (specializing in riffing older, frequently public-domain films); in the past few years they’ve turned their effort into a wildly popular touring show. Cinematic Titanic re-conquered Santa Claus Conquers the Martians for DVD, writing all-new riffs. (For a while, their DVDs consisted of the familiar silhouette approach of MST3K, performed in a studio and without an audience. These days their DVD releases are strictly documents of their live shows.) The film is available in physical or downloadable digital format from Cinematic Titanic‘s online store, in addition to their latest release, Cinematic Titanic Live: War of the Insects.
Rifftrax, in recent years, has branched into live performance by taping live shows and broadcasting them to cinemas nationwide. One of their first to attempt this was the 2009 Rifftrax Live: Shorts-stravaganza! The very entertaining ninety minutes consists of Christmas-themed live action and animated shorts from decades past (plus vintage toy commercials); Weird Al Yankovic is a guest. Not live, but still full of Christmas kitsch, is the Rifftrax take on Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny, a travesty from the early 70’s. Both Rifftrax specials are available from their website.
Until Rifftrax takes on that Lady Gaga Christmas special, I think these are your best alternatives.
[Shout! Factory has just announced the titles of their next box set, to be released March 27th: those include King Dinosaur (210 – one of my favorites); The Castle of Fu Manchu (323); Code Name: Diamond Head (608); and Last of the Wild Horses (611).]
